He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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