Cold hands, warm shart.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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