she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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