You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
