so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
