The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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