Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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