It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
