dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
