so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
