please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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