Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
