I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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