I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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