Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
