Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
