So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
