you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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