question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
