Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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