Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
