I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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