He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize