cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Pooping to opera.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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