We're facebook friends in real life
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
