She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize