The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
