hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
