why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
