And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
