isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
