threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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