I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
