If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
