If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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