Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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