Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
