Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
