Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
