just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
