So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
