You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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