just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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