Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
