isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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