Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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