Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
