New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
