im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
