It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
