And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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