i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
