im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
