This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
