I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
