i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
