I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
