I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
