Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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