i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
