I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
