my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
