people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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