You work out of a Hotel?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
