i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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