Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
