Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
