the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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