we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
