Your mouth is God's brothel.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
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i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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