she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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