is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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