Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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