My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
