Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
