My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
