please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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