so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
