i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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